Love Thy Neighbour...

Whether you are religious or not, I am sure that the majority (if not all) of you out there are familiar with the commandment from the Old Testament of the Bible 'Love thy neighbour as you love yourself'. The commandment transcends religion and is an attitude adopted by most people; to treat others as you would like to be treated.

Recently, however, I have thinking that maybe 'Love yourself as you love your neighbour' would be more appropriate for someone suffering from mental health issues. My struggles, failings, and weaknesses over the years have resulted in me treating others with more of an open mind, more sensitivity, more compassion and more forgiveness than I could ever have imagined. But I remain unable to treat myself in the same way! We are so hard on ourselves guys, and treat ourselves and our opinions and feelings with so much less respect than if they were a friends'. I have several friends who have had difficulties over the years, and I don't view that as a sign of their personal weakness, like I view my issues as a sign of mine. I see them as strong and resilient...and if they are having a hard few days, I don't berate them or think this equates to them being a failure as a person - I feel sympathy and love and mostly just want to give them a big hug and remind them how wonderful they are. So why when I am having a bad day or a bad week, month or year, do I hate myself for it? Why do I think I *should* be stronger? Why do I think this makes me worthless and that I am a disappointment to myself and everyone around me. Why do I let my difficulties define me?

I have a really close friend who is experiencing some difficulties at the moment. I hate that she is struggling and think that she doesn't deserve it. But I don't see her as anything less than the very best that she can be, even when she isn't that girl. I admire her strength, and her ability to keep fighting. I think she is incredible for everything that she has to endure at the moment and everything that she is accomplishing in spite of it. Yet I get angry at my own friends and family when they tell me they are proud of me. Proud of me for what? It shouldn't be an acheivement to get through a set of university exams, it should be a normality, I should take it in my stride. It shouldn't be an acheivement that I am getting through the weeks, that should be natural. Why does it make me feel so small and such a waste of space that I should be pleased for managing small things?

We are so unforgiving and ready to hate ourselves, that is why. I have begun thinking to myself, how would I feel if the situation was reversed? My friend I mentioned is currently doing her first year of work, and she is basically doing her teacher training and first year of teaching AT THE SAME TIME. I am proud of her and amazed at how well she is coping in spite of everything, but that doesn't mean that I think that is the limit of her capability. Just at this moment in time, under these particular circumstances, she should be pleased with how she is doing. I hate that people are proud of me for getting through a day/week/term, so how can I be proud of her for it? Because when people tell ME they are proud, I assume that they think that this is the best that I can be. And it isn't.

The more I think about it, the more I realise how destructive a self-hating attitude is. If my friend had a bad day, I wouldn't shout at her, I wouldn't insult her, I wouldn't be hard on her. I would show her love and support. So we should try and extend this to how we behave to ourselves when we are less that the person that we want to be. Treat yourself how you would treat your neighbour, and not the other way around! Take time to treat yourself when things go wrong. You DO deserve that bath, that new nail varnish, that evening out. You don't have to punish yourself constantly. Next time you get angry or disappointed or sad for yourself, take a minute to think how you would react to a friend, and try to behave in a similar way towards yourself!

xxxx