What wise words from the beatles!
The trouble with living with any mental illness, especially an eating disorder, is that it can be incredibly isolating. How can I tell my mum that I binged on 5000 calories worth of food the other day when i spent money which I don’t actually have going over my overdraft limit? How can I tell her I did it last week and spent the money she gave me for my doctors note which enables me to have mitigating circumstances at uni? How can I tell her that I was so desperate to stuff myself with food so as to numb any other feelings and thoughts that at the time this didn’t even matter to me? How can I tell her that I have been eating stuff around the house constantly and my eating has been getting worse again since going back to uni last monday? I can’t. I have to find a way to pick myself up.
But I don't have to go it entirely alone, not even close. My best advise to anyone out there who feels they are struggling on their own is to confide in someone...people surprise you, they are capable of much more love, compassion and support than you can ever imagine. I am lucky to have an incredible support network of close friends and family, a total of about 10 people in my life know everything that I have been through over the years, and I cannot put into words how grateful I am for those people and how much having them there for me helps. Of course nobody can solve your problems for you, and not everyone supports in the same way, but whether they take you completely out of yourself by doing something fun or crazy, whether they are there for you to cry to if you are having a really bad day, or whether they are there to pick up the pieces when you hit rock bottom, everyone has a place. I am not going to pretend that there have been people over the years that I have exposed my weaknesses too and they have been incredibly hurtful or judgemental, but for all those that have disappointed me, it has been worth it and I would take the disappointment one hundred times over just to find one of the supportive people in my life.
They remind you that you are not alone. You don't have to be. There are people who love you and who will support you in any way possible. My family are so tolerant of my problems that I seriously don't know how to thank them. They have put up with anorexia, depression and binge eating disorder from me over the last 8 years, and they still love me, and help me find the person inside that I know I can be. I have friends who have had similar experiences, who will come over when I can't even summon the energy to get dressed, but I also have friends who are there for me in a different way - they take me away from all my problems for a day/evening/ week by ensuring I still plan fun things in my life.
I guess what I am trying to say, in an incredibly round about way, is simply that we cannot get by WITHOUT our friends. Please take the plunge and confide in people. Even if it is just via online support networks. One of my best friends was actually found on an online support network, and we email each other every day...as for both of us writing down our thoughts and feelings helps. We have also met up, and our friendship has blossomed over the last years. Do not underestimate the love people in your life will show for you. and do not think you are alone.
xxxx
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